March 8, 2006

Aging Connection

Senior women persevering in the face of adversity offer inspiration

By Vivian I. Silva, Gerontologist
Special to the Times

“Women’s history is our nation’s story. It is the story of how women built communities and inspired and nurture dreams and how they will continue to do so.”

—National Women’s History Project press release

In honor of National Women’s History Month, I’d like to share the following stories that pay tribute to some of the courageous and remarkable women I have met while working as a gerontologist. Some shared their stories in my groups and I’ve worked with the others in their homes.

Margaret: Not all states honor community property or allow alimony. After her unpleasant divorce, Margaret packed up her belongings in her car. She drove to California with little money and no place to go. At 64 years of age, she inspired those alone for the first time in the divorce support group.

Did you know that women are twice as likely to live in poverty as older men?

Helen: An 81-year-old loving caregiver for her husband inspired her neighbors as she was an immigrant with no family here. Her only child committed suicide at age 20, but she told me she made a conscious decision to live life with love and grace.

Did you know that about 80 percent of caregivers are women?

Ruth: Living in a retirement home, she’d make sure her friend Olivia attended my exercise class three times a week. If Olivia (88) missed a class, Ruth would follow up to make sure she wasn’t having a health problem.

Did you know that 85 percent of surviving spouses over 65 and 80 percent of the elderly who live alone are women?

Irene: In her 80s, she drives her friends and neighbors to meetings, doctor appointments and grocery shopping. She makes sure her friends (all widows) don’t become isolated.

Did you know that women also fear losing their independence by having to give up the car keys?

Donna: Despite her own health problems and dealing with her daughter’s death, she allowed her teenage granddaughter to move in. Donna did her best to provide ongoing care even though her granddaughter was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Did you know that grandparents raising grandchildren disproportionately accounts for the number of low-income women?

Virginia: A thin, frail-looking 90-year-old faithfully attended the caregiver support group in spite of her husband’s protests. Her husband exhibited paranoia symptoms due to Alzheimer’s Disease. After his death, she no longer needed the caregiver group but joined the attendees for lunch and other social outings to maintain the friendships and support she received from them.

Did you know that if a man’s wife has dementia, he is more likely to pay for outside help? If a woman’s husband has dementia, she is more likely NOT to look for outside help often to the detriment of her health!

Ruby: This 98-year-old office worker loved her job and her employer continued paying her as a part-time employee. Her hours, 9 to noon, didn’t keep her from arriving at 6:30 a.m. to make the coffee! Her work ethic, dedication and knowledge inspired her co-workers. (She entered data in the computer but preferred her typewriter!)

Did you know that women’s income is still lower than men’s for the same job?

I’d like to express my deep admiration and respect for other women not mentioned in this article. They face aging with courage and strength. And, I’d like to give a special thank you to a client named Lily. Bed bound and living alone, she never fails to greet me with a friendly smile.

Take a minute and think about the special “women of age” in your life.

For information regarding a new women’s group and a new caregiver group, please call Vivian I. Silva, Gerontologist at 408-975-2988.

To submit a question for the “Aging Connection” column e-mail Gerontologist/MSW Vivian I. Silva at vivsilva@aol.com. To make an appointment with the Geriatric Advisory Program at the Almaden Valley Counseling Service call (408) 975-2988.